So I was listening to a Reliant K song I used to love back in the day and it definitely hit me right in the feels. It’s called “Pressing On” and is just about continuing to move forward, even when you’ve been through some terrible hardships. This week has been a bit of an extra tough one too. It’s like it comes in waves. Breakups hurt. And people start to find out the truth after its all over and that’s what is starting to happen to me now. I never thought I would be hurt as badly as I was by someone who claimed to love me and take care of me.
The hardest lesson to learn for me has been that you can’t rely on anyone to help you but yourself. As much as I wanted to believe that this person had my back 100% of the way, it was the wrong way to think. And in the end was one of my biggest downfalls. I have a loving heart, which means I have the disadvantage of trusting everyone until they give me a reason not to anymore. However a relationship without trust is doomed from the beginning. Yet he was the one who wasn’t trusting. Maybe it was because he knew what HE was capable of, so he couldn’t accept that there was someone who would have given him the moon if she could.
What matters more than anything else though is that IM STILL HERE. I am moving forward every single day, and the pain is beginning to dull. I also get to experience what it’s like to love myself more than anyone else now. It’s something we all lose sight of, but it’s so important!!! I make myself say why I have value, and I never let myself think otherwise. So while something was meant to ruin me. At one point I was told to run away back home, but here I am. Here I stand, and I’m PRESSING ON.
It has definitely been a while since I have sat down to write a blog entry and my life has had some crazy things happen in the last month. Some of it really put me through some very challenging life tests but in the end I am so much stronger. Here is what I’ve learned……1. You can’t depend on anyone truly but yourself: probably the hardest lesson I had to learn. I had put a ton of faith into someone who was supposed to be my biggest support system. And that failed. Miserably. I felt like I was left face down on the ground with no one there to help me up. Thankfully though I do have true friends who were right there to help me get back on my feet and realize I don’t need anyone else in my life to depend on but myself
2. Know who your real friends are: going along with having some really amazing people in my life there to support me, unfortunately there were some also who were never really my friends and didn’t have good intentions when it came to my well being. This is by far one of the toughest lessons to learn in life, no matter how many times it happens to you. All I can do is cherish the good times I did have, and know what to look for when choosing who I put my trust into the next time.
3. Never change who you are for ANYONE!!: you are a beautiful and amazing person just the way you are. All of your quirks and nuisances are what make you unique and different from the norm. DONT SACRIFICE YOU TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY!!! I changed everything in hopes that I would be perfect for someone else. In turn I was miserable. I pushed people away, changed my habits, everything. But if you are asked to do that, you aren’t ever truly loved. And that person doesn’t deserve you because they are taking away from the sparkle that makes up the amazing human being that you are.
Life has an amazing way of teaching you things just when you need to learn them. And I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. I am so much stronger than I have ever been and more than anything, for the first time in a long time, I AM HAPPY
If this message upsets you in any way when you read it that was not my intention. I’m just sharing what I’ve learned and some of the things I believe, so that hopefully my experiences can help someone else on their own journey someday. And maybe if you find yourself getting offended, you are the one who needs to take a look in the mirror………..
I LOVE that I am a strong woman
I LOVE that I work hard
I LOVE that even when things get tough, I don’t give up
I LOVE that I hold onto hope
I LOVE my compassion for children
I LOVE that I keep my nails on point
I LOVE that I can contour with the best
I LOVE being the eyelash queen
I LOVE my crystal blue eyes, where my soul is seen inside
I LOVE the universe and how it surrounds me
I LOVE that I am a great friend, and support when I am needed
I LOVE my giving heart
I LOVE making other people smile
I LOVE ME 💜
I challenge everyone who reads this to write down how they love themselves today 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻
I love you grandma with all my heart. The hardest thing for me right now is being away but I know deep down you don’t want me to see you like this. You want me to hold onto all the good times we had together.
Going to bingo when I was “13” so I could play with my grandma and winning my first time ever
Playing our own version of tennis which was just me batting the birdie at you in your chair but we would have so much fun anyways.
Walking around the mall with you when I would come to stay, even though we had to move slow, I was with you so it didn’t matter.
Having you right next door to me so I could run over to see you whenever I wanted to as a little girl. I’m probably the luckiest girl alive to get to spend that much time with you. And I know I was the “favorite” or at least I’ll always think I was.
It’s never going to be enough time grandma, and saying goodbye isn’t something I want to do. I’m selfish. But I know you want to see your mama and grandma again too. And I know you will never really be gone. You’re always going to be with me in my heart. I love you. 💜
So I’m on the road for my Midwest tour for Chikara pro and this is probably going to end up being one of the hardest trips I ever have to be a part of. My grandma is currently in the hospital with renal failure, and at the young age of 94, it’s only a matter of time.
Of course all I want is for her to hang in there so I can make it home to see her, but that’s a bit of a long shot for sure. At the same time did I make the wrong decision to honor my commitments this weekend? Should I have went home and ditched my tiara? It’s a lot to wrestle around with.
After I did for a while though, and after talking to my mom, I know I’m where my grandma would want me to be. She supported my wrestling even before my mother did, and I know she would want all the little girls to still get to meet the princess. Heck my grandma was so on point with her outfits, makeup, and hair that she probably wouldn’t want me to see her because she wouldn’t want me to remember her like she is now.
I did get to say I love you on the phone. Even with the morphine drip she woke up and smiled and knew her little Kimberly was calling her. I can’t ask for much more then being able to tell her I love her, because most people don’t even get that opportunity.
I Love You Grandma, with all of my heart and I know you will be with me this weekend watching over me. I hope I can make you proud, because this is all for you ❤️.
So I’ve officially been drinking my Tiny Tea for a week so I feel it is time to check in and let you know of the results so far.
I feel like the ritual of drinking my 3 cups of tea a day has really become something I truly enjoy. It’s a little moment for me to meditate and relax, and as my British friends will tell me, “enjoy a cuppa”. I feel more prepared to take on my day after the first cup, I get past the midday crash with the second, and the third helps me to wind down before dinner with a good book.
The tea did make me a little nauseous for the first few days, but only because of the toxins that were on their way out of my body. That side effect is completely gone now though and I feel like my overall well being has improved so much. It’s amazing how much you don’t even realize having those leftover toxins lingering inside you can change your entire definition of what “feeling good” is.
This is the part where I get really excited. Any bloat I had lingering is completely gone! And it’s only been a week! It’s like that little problem area I’ve always had on my stomach has finally decided to dissapear. Now I have always had a very active lifestyle, and I also pay attention to what I eat as well. You have to put in the work of you want to see the results! But if you do, this tea completely changes the game. So far, so AMAZING!!!
Your Tea Website
There is just something truly magical about working for Chikara. It’s different than any other company I’ve ever worked for, and it’s a refreshing change after a string of shows where I’m a little less “royal”.
Getting to see all the little girls faces light up when the Princess shows up to the ring is validation for all the stress put on my body to preform in this sport.
Choosing a “crown bearer” to guard my tiara while I wrestle, and making that child feel incredibly special, and like they are a part of the show; I can’t help but smile while my heart warms.
Getting to be a force to be reckoned with when I stand up to men on a regular basis, because of course it’s “Equal rights equal fights”, and inspiring the next generation of strong women is why I started wrestling in the first place.
Chikara has quickly become a part of my family and my home. It’s bitter sweet driving back knowing I can’t do this everyday, but it makes me that much more excited for the next one. Here’s to many MANY more Chikara shows, and you can bet this princess will be along for the wild ride 👑💜
Chikara Official Website